By Kelfin
This is fan fiction. Neither Fushigi Yuugi nor any of its characters belongs to me.
Omega Wolf always comes when Alpha Male calls. Alpha Male is very powerful. Alpha Male controls everything that Omega Wolf does, even the way his feet move on the ground. Omega Wolf does not make choices.
It is easier that way. Omega Wolf is very stupid.
Omega Wolf does not want to be late. So he runs very fast. He runs faster on his four legs than most people can run on two. It is best this way. It is less comfortable for Omega Wolf to stand on two legs. Omega Wolf is clumsy and ugly.
The snow is cold on his feet, and the air is cold on his face, but temperature does not matter to him. He is strong.
The trees are scratchy on his arms. He itches. He does not have mange; it is only that the trees are scratchy. Too many tall grasses are in his way. He growls angry words at them.
Are the words in his mind, or did he say them aloud? Are they words, or just pictures? He does not know, because he is stupid. And all of his thoughts go on, louder and louder, announcing to everyone how stupid he is.
Omega Wolf likes to run. He runs for hours, because he has been in a cage. He has not run for a very long time.
Omega Wolf lives in the city now, but he was not born there. He was born in this country, in this snow. That is why he is not cold. He does not understand the people in the city. He is stupid and clumsy. He is ugly.
It is in the first half of the day when Omega Wolf finds the Pack. There are seven white tents. There is no snow here yet.
Alpha Male is in a white tent. Alpha Female is with him. Omega Wolf knows this because he can smell them. He is good at smelling things from far away.
Omega Wolf can always smell his Pack. The Pack is everything.
Alpha Male and Alpha Female are the leaders, but every pack has a Top Alpha. In Omega Wolf’s Pack, that is Alpha Male. Alpha Male is free. He chooses where the Pack goes, what the Pack does, and when the Pack does it. The others in the Pack are followers.
Beta Male is somewhere near. Omega Wolf can smell him. Beta Male has strong power. He is second-in-command. Beta Male wants to challenge Alpha Female for her position. He is waiting.
The Pack prefers psychological warfare to physical confrontation. They establish rank through ritual bluffing and posturing. Beta Male and Alpha Female are very good at that. That is why they are the second and third most powerful in the Pack.
High status comes from personality and attitude, not size or strength. That is why Omega Wolf is the lowest even though he is the strongest.
Omega Wolf goes directly to Alpha Male. He knows that Beta Male does not want to see him. This makes him sad.
Omega Wolf does not understand why the Pack is not together. It would be best to greet them all at once. That is how it should be.
The others are somewhere near. Omega Wolf can smell Littlest Wolf. He can smell Female Pup. He can smell Second Pup. He does not smell First Pup. First Pup has gone away and not come back. Omega Wolf stopped being able to smell him.
The strongest smells are Alpha Male and Alpha Female.
Omega Wolf goes into the tent. Alpha Female is making words on some paper. Alpha Female is surprised when Omega Wolf comes in. Usually she knows when he is coming. Perhaps she has not been paying attention. Alpha Female does not look at Omega Wolf’s eyes.
Alpha Male paces and talks. Omega Wolf tries to pay attention. He watches Alpha Male carefully, because he does not want Alpha Male to hurt him. This happens often because Omega Wolf often does not understand what he is supposed to do. He does not understand why Alpha Male does not follow the rules of nature.
There are new rules that Alpha Male sets up, but nobody tells them to Omega Wolf. He has to guess all the time. He tries very hard. Following the rules prevents fighting and potential injury in the Pack. Omega Wolf is for Alpha Male and Alpha Female and Beta Male and Littlest Wolf to hurt when they are angry. This is how it is. Omega Wolf is better at living a life of submission than he is at living alone.
Anything is better than being alone.
Omega Wolf is stupid.
He is easily distracted. There are too many things to see here! It is difficult to pay attention to Alpha Male. There are smells of animals and people nearby. Omega Wolf wonders what the others in the Pack are doing.
Alpha Female is still drawing with the ink. She is very beautiful. Omega Wolf is curious about her. He tries to look at her. She does not look at Omega Wolf. She looks at Alpha Male.
Omega Wolf knows that when two wolves are about to mate, they bond. They sleep side by side. They approach each other with quiet whining sounds. They mouth each other’s muzzle, touch noses, bump their bodies together, nibble each other’s coat, and walk pressed close together.
Alpha Male does not acknowledge Alpha Female. She is frightened of him. Omega Wolf can see this in the way she holds her body. He knows this is customary for her.
Omega Wolf is nervous. He does not like what he is thinking now. These words are not flattering to Alpha Male. Omega Wolf is afraid that Alpha Male will not like his thoughts and will punish him.
But his thoughts are very quiet. Alpha Male will not hear unless he listens very, very carefully.
Maybe Alpha Male already knows what Omega Wolf is thinking. Alpha Male knows everything. Maybe Alpha Male is putting the thoughts in Omega Wolf’s head. Maybe he is using the thoughts to control Omega Wolf’s actions.
Alpha Male stands tall. He stares penetratingly at Omega Wolf.
Omega Wolf figures that this is probably the most important part of what Alpha Male is saying. He stands with his body lowered. He whimpers a little.
Then Alpha Male tells Omega Wolf how to eliminate the Enemy.
It’s your turn, Ashitare.
Ashitare is the word that people use to get Omega Wolf’s attention.
Yui-sama and Suboshi are headed for Touran. This is the land of your birth. Use your powers to find Suzaku no miko and beat her to a bloody pulp. Go to Touran; that’s where she is. Since there’s only one of you, it’s probably best to attack when she is alone, or maybe when there is only one seishi with her.
Omega Wolf growls to say that he understands the command.
He does not understand the reasoning.
Omega Wolf knows that wolves are supposed to hunt in a Pack. Careful cooperation is necessary to catch large prey. A wolf that has to hunt by himself is usually unsuccessful at taking down his prey.
Alpha Male must know this, too. Omega Wolf does not understand why Alpha Male does not choose to hunt as a Pack. Alpha Female and Beta Male and Littlest Wolf are good fighters. As a group, the Pack could destroy the Enemy quickly and efficiently.
Omega Wolf looks at Alpha Female as he leaves. Alpha Male does not see him do this.
~*~
The burns on Omega Wolf’s face are hurting. The sting is so cruel that Omega Wolf cannot think, not even in pictures. He is very weak. Omega Wolf’s eye does not open, so he is even clumsier than usual.
He did not hurt the Enemy. He was hungry, and he hurt an old man. Old people do not taste good to Omega Wolf. He frightened the Enemy Female, but the Enemy Male put fire in Omega Wolf’s eyes.
Alpha Female is outside her tent. Omega Wolf walks past her on his way to Alpha Male’s tent.
Alpha Female puts a hand on Omega Wolf.
What happened to you? You’d better come with me and I’ll bandage it for you.
Omega Wolf should report to Alpha Male before he does anything else, or else Alpha Male will be angry. Alpha Female should know this, but Omega Wolf is happy to remind her.
Omega Wolf does not know whether he says the words aloud or only thinks them. It does not matter, since she can hear anyway. His thoughts pulse out of his head like star-beams, and echo in the distance and laugh.
Does Alpha Female understand? Maybe she does. She goes away.
It is not far to Alpha Male’s tent.
Alpha Male already knows what happened. Omega Wolf can tell this by the way that Alpha Male is standing.
Alpha Male makes Omega Wolf tell him what happened anyway. This is to punish Omega Wolf.
Omega Wolf is on the ground. He is on his hands and knees. His head is bowed. Alpha Male hits him with a whip. Skin is coming off his back. There is blood. The whip sticks to the blood and to the pieces of skin as it goes, and it does not tear away so easily any more.
Alpha Female has medicine. Alpha Male knows that she is outside before she asks to enter. Alpha Male knows everything.
Come in.
Alpha Female’s face looks upset. Has she come here for punishment, too? Where is the rest of the Pack? Why are they not all together?
What are you doing?
Alpha Male looks up. Alpha Male is surprised.
Ashitare failed to even injure a single Suzaku warrior.
But…
For god’s sake, Soi, it’s an animal.
Alpha Male laughs and hits Omega Wolf again.
Don’t be such a bleeding heart. It needs to be taught what happens when it’s disloyal.
Nakago… I think they threw gunpowder or something in his face.
The beast fears fire, eh? So you come whimpering back with your tail between your legs.
Alpha Male stops and holds up the whip. Omega Wolf understands that he should look at it.
Do you know what this is, Ashitare?
Nakago, Ashitare’s suffered some burns. That’s—
Who rescued you from being a freak show on display in the city of Kutou? I’ll make you remember.
These words are meaningless to Omega Wolf, but he knows that they must important. He struggles to understand because he wants to please Alpha Male, but the meanings are lost somewhere in the sticky red flesh-mass that is his body.
Alpha Female wrings her hands. She looks at Omega Wolf’s good eye. Omega Wolf guesses that she is frightened. Omega Wolf understands that she hurts with him, but he knows that she will not stop Alpha Male. The rules are important. If there were no order or rank, how would the universe keep working? Omega Wolf turns his face back down.
Alpha Male hits him harder. It hurts. Omega Wolf does not know whether he is supposed to be quiet or to cry out in pain. Neither one seems to please Alpha Male, so Omega Wolf does not know what to do. He looks at Alpha Female, but she does not give him any indication.
After a long time, Alpha Male acts like his body is tired.
That’ll be all for now. Next time, failure will not be tolerated.
There is silence. The whip goes away, and the pain stops being like tearing and starts being like stinging. There are biting fingers that snap over Omega Wolf’s back and face, and they laugh at him the way salt does in half-crusted, scabby blood.
Second Pup pushes open the curtain. Female Pup is behind him. Second Pup sees Omega Wolf and stops. He looks at Alpha Female. Then he looks at Alpha Male. Second Pup acts uncertain. He does not know the right rules, either.
Um… we’re back.
Female Pup cowers behind Second Pup. Her body indicates that Omega Wolf disgusts her.
Alpha Male looks at the Pups sharply. Are they too close? The Pack can only support one litter per year.
Suboshi. Did you find the Shinzaho?
Second Pup makes a nervous pose.
Well, about that…
Female Pup interrupts him. She has more confidence.
Yes, it seems we have.
She looks directly at Alpha Male. Omega Wolf thinks that this is very brave.
Tamahome told me that they’d found the Shinzaho’s location.
Omega Wolf thinks that he understands what Alpha Male has asked the Pups to do, but he does not understand the reasoning. Alpha Male does things that do not make sense.
Omega Wolf should not question him. He does not understand probably because he is stupid.
Alpha Male and Female Pup leave together. Second Pup and Alpha Female look after them. Omega Wolf can read their faces and smell their presence, but he cannot tell what they are thinking.
He knows the situation, though. It is an old one. Omega Wolf is old—very old. He is older than everyone is except Littlest Wolf, old enough to understand how the rules go, although Alpha Male acts as though Omega Wolf is always wrong. He has seen this situation often enough to understand what is happening.
Omega Wolf understands that Alpha Male may choose to mate with a subordinate female. Alpha Female tries to dominate other females and keep them away from Alpha Male, but Alpha Female is weak. She has more than one rival.
The bones are cutting into Omega Wolf as he tries to breathe. He thinks about the flies that will buzz around in his wounds.
Alpha Female and Second Pup carry Omega Wolf out of the tent. He is too heavy for them, but he cannot walk. It hurts when the dirt gets into his blood. He can feel it pumping through his body. It is poisoning his stomach and lungs.
There is an empty tent for Omega Wolf.
Second Pup and Alpha Female help Omega Wolf inside. It is very empty except for him. Now there is emptiness inside of him and outside of him. Between the voids, his blood is rushing too fast. It is hot and thin.
Alpha Female sends Second Pup for water and blankets.
Omega Wolf is dirty, and his hair is matted. The blood is dry all upon his skin. It is not entirely from this day. Omega Wolf is repulsive. He is afraid that he disgusts Alpha Female.
Alpha Female cuts Omega Wolf’s clothes with her knife. After Second Pup returns, she washes Omega Wolf’s wounds with very cold water and applies some kind of medicine. Omega Wolf’s back hurts. He cannot see with his eye.
Alpha Female does not speak. Is she disgusted? No, she is afraid.
Omega Wolf loves Alpha Female. He loves all of his Pack, but no one has ever been as kind to Omega Wolf as Alpha Female has been, so he loves her most.
When Alpha Female stands up to leave, Omega Wolf touches her hand. She smiles at him.
Alpha Female is sad. People do not smile when they are sad. Omega Wolf thinks about this.
Omega Wolf lies for hours in the darkness and the pain. He does not need to move. He does not need to talk. He is alone.
Is this what he wanted? No. He does not like to be alone.
Alpha Female makes sure to feed her pups first. Because all things must have an order, there is a secondary order of dominance among the pups. Therefore, Female Pup eats first, with Alpha Male. Alpha Female eats next with Beta Male. Then Alpha Female brings food to Omega Wolf. Omega Wolf always eats last.
Alpha Female puts food in Omega Wolf’s mouth with her fingers. It is easiest that way. The food hurts in his throat. The smells are distracting.
Alpha Female thinks that Omega Wolf is sleeping, but he is not. He is listening and smelling. Omega Wolf wishes that she would make sounds. Sounds are easy to interpret. It is hard to understand someone who does not move and does not speak.
Alpha Female does not make sound. She only watches him to see if he gets worse. Omega Wolf does not make faces and sounds like other people do. It is easy to guess wrong about what he is thinking. He does not know whether Alpha Female can read him and understand that he feels a little better.
When she leaves, Omega Wolf feels the invisible fingers come near him. No one is here, and he is alone. In the dark, Omega Wolf can see everything. This is because of the strange gleaming in his eyes. Omega Wolf wonders why he cannot see the fingers.
He wonders if they are fingers sent by Alpha Male. He wonders if they are the hands of a god.
Omega Wolf knows why he has been left alone.
~*~
It is early. The sun has not risen except for a little streak of light that hurts Omega Wolf’s eyes if he looks into it. Stars are pointy little pricks in the sky that hang too low. What do they mean? Do they mean anything at all?
The rest of the Pack is asleep. Alpha Male does not sleep. Alpha Male needs no sleep. He is a god.
Alpha Male points out where Omega Wolf should go.
Over there.
Alpha Male wants Omega Wolf to hunt.
Omega Wolf thinks that he does not like to hurt people. This is not true. He likes to eat meat when it is wetted with blood. He likes the snap of the bones as they crunch and squeak between his teeth. The sounds are very loud; they are so loud that they echo over the world and everyone hears them. Everyone can hear what he is thinking. Everyone can see the blood. Everyone knows what he wants.
Omega Wolf thinks that he will be safe if nobody is around to understand and hate him. He thinks that what he wants is to be left alone.
This is not true, either. Omega Wolf wants to be with his Pack. He would rather be humiliated and hurt than be alone.
Omega Wolf is pathetic.
There is no choice for Omega Wolf. He feels nothing but what he is made to feel. Alpha Male knows all. Alpha Male can do all. Alpha Male wishes that Omega Wolf will kill, and Omega Wolf does so. Alpha Male controls his body and his mind. Omega Wolf is afraid.
Omega Wolf will kill, and Alpha Male will know what has happened before he even returns to tell him.
Omega Wolf will bring back the Shinzaho.
Alpha Male repeats the directions. He does not think that Omega Wolf will remember them. He does not think that Omega Wolf understands.
Is he correct? Is Omega Wolf this stupid? Omega Wolf has had problems with memory in the past. Omega Wolf is bad at following directions.
Do you understand, Ashitare? The Suzaku seishi will find the Shinzaho. Go after them. Then kill them.
Omega Wolf considers this. He opens his mouth and moves it to make sure it works. Will he be able to speak in words? Can he speak with the pictures?
You do not need to order me to do that to someone who hurt me! I will not forget his scent.
Omega Wolf can smell many, many things—things that nobody else can smell, things that are not even there. Omega Wolf forgets them, but he will not forget this scent. Why is that?
He does not forget the scent of those who hurt him.
Whom does Omega Wolf mean? Omega Wolf loves the ones who hurt him. Does he remember their scent only so that he can return to them?
You understand. If you fail this time…
Wolves are supposed to hunt in a Pack. Careful cooperation is necessary to catch large prey. A wolf that has to hunt by himself is usually unsuccessful.
Omega Wolf cannot understand why Alpha Male does not follow the rules of nature.